Yo dont text me then not text me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
