i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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