I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
