were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
