Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
