im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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