he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
