I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Who died my cat blue again?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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