So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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