He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
