I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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