Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
