Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
