I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
