She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
They have beer where we have blood.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
