My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Randomize
