I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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