Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
