im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
