Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
