I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
