I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
