I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
