my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
