Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
