I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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