Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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