If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
