Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
