This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
