You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Are we still banned from the library?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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