she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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