I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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