Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
