smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
