Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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