My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize