New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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