Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm like, not good at living.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
