watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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