So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
