threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
