dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
