You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
