i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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