i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
