I look better un-naked...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
