yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize