How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
