two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
