I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
