why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
