Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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