saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
