If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
