Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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