Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
