I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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