That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
