At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize