Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
