but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize