I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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