i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
