Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
