I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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