Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
