I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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