This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
