We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
