How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
