real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
