Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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